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***I jotted down these thoughts a week ago and already I think I could write another 10 things. Sheesh.***

I am totally blaming some of these thoughts on pregnancy brain. Which I whole-heartedly believe to be scientific fact. WebMD says it’s not but the answer to every symptom is cancer so can they really be trusted?  My friends, the next sentences are a dumping of the things I’ve learned about pregnancy in the last 22 weeks.

1. People suddenly have no interest in you and yet seem to ask more personal questions than ever before. All somehow pertaining to the baby.

2. You are suddenly okay with this because all you want to do is talk about the baby.

3. It becomes impossible to discern between things that actually upset you and raging hormones. Which isn’t quite fair because now that you’re responsible for both your life and the life growing on your insides more things upset you. But you’re also a cesspool of hormones. Hormones that are a result of the growing life inside you. Which makes you legitimately upset about more things because you’re responsible for said life. And that life causes more hormones. And you get the picture. It’s a cycle.

4. Oh and there is the out-of-control feeling. That’s pleasant. I wish sarcasm translated better through text. Because I am just dripping with it right now.

5. Imagine with me the feeling of being constipated after a big Thanksgiving meal. For nine months. That’s what pregnancy feels like.

6. One of the changes that I wasn’t prepared for but is really freaking me out is watching my belly button slowly go from an inny to an outy. Seriously. It doesn’t poke out yet but it’s getting shallower every day.

7. I want to know how prego gals can accomplish this thing called “eating for two?” I can barely consume the same amount of food I ate as one. There’s just no room! Sometimes I’m hungry but the idea of shoving any food into my stomach ends those thoughts of indulging. That and the fact that I have to follow any food consumption with a shot of prune juice and at least three Tums.

8. The above applies to all foods except soft, warm, salty mall pretzels. I could eat my body weight in those. I tried to while I was on vacation. Got pretty dang close.

9. There are two types of story-telling people in the world. The truly helpful ones and the truly terrifying ones. For example:

Truly helpful: “Sure your third trimester will be more challenging. But you’ll be so cute then!”

Truly terrifying: “Oh just you wait. Things get worse before they get better.”

Truly helpful: “Make sure you find a doctor you can trust. You’ll be seeing them a lot the next nine months.”

Truly terrifying: “All docs are quacks. Mine cussed like a sailor and drank like a fish.”

Truly helpful: “Don’t worry dear. You forget everything once the baby’s here.”

Truly terrifying: “Worst nine months of my life. If it weren’t for pregnancy I’d have more children.”

Truly helpful: “If you need anything or have any questions just let me know.”

Truly terrifying: “Wanna hear my horror story?”

10. Carrying a child is a blessing. It may, quite possibly, be the hardest blessing of your entire life but I am convinced it will turn out to be the most precious blessing of all. It’s true, people tell horror stories, your belly button morphs, and everything is just a little bit harder when you’re pregnant, but I wouldn’t trade this experience for anything. I just thank God for this baby’s life and take another Tums.